Rejected answers to 'why are you interested in our PhD program?'

By Os Keyes
  1. Capitalism requires me to trade my labour for food. Due to the extremely blinkered way in which we assess value, the accumulation of crippling debt at your institution will, in a decade, allow me to demand more food.
  2. Having been in the technology sector for many years I have already seen all the different kinds of systemic toxicity and violence it can provide, and am eager to explore hitherto-unknown kinds of systemic toxicity and violence.
  3. I work in infosec. At least your oozing, slurping horror is unionised.
  4. I figure if I can become a Doctor on top of being a lawyer, my Jewish mother will finally can it for like 5, maybe 6 minutes.
  5. Turns out Dr is the only gender-neutral prefix cis people can get through their skulls.
  6. One day I just looked at myself in the mirror and went: y’know, Os, your life doesn’t have anywhere near enough Nazi apologists in it.
  7. If I have to do one more bubble sort implementation on a whiteboard I swear to god I will burn the entire world down so help me.